bartending quotes

Below is a list of the most popular bartending quotes ever said. We handpicked 29 bartending quotes out of the thousands from the wise minds of physicists, famous actors and authors, and various pop culture personalities.

Feel free to use these bartending quotes while working behind the bar or during any bartending interview. And have fun memorizing these bartender quotes to charm others you work with, make customers laugh, and to show off your literary knowledge.


Bartending Quotes

bartending quotes

“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory…”  – Albert Einstein

“Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please…  – P.J. O’Rourke

“You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before…”  – Zach Galifianakis

“The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer…”  – Harry Gordon Johnson

“Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven, will the pubs never close?…”  – Richard Thompson

“Whiskey is, by far, the most popular of all remedies that will not cure a cold…”  – Jerry Vale

Frank Sinatra bartender quote

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day…”  – Frank Sinatra

“Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night—be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniel’s…”  – Frank Sinatra

“Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows…”  – James Crumley

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut…”  – Ernest Hemingway

“A professional bartender is someone who can do his or her best work when he or she doesn’t feel like it…”  – Bruce Tomlinson

Humphrey Bogart bartending quotes

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind…”  – Humphrey Bogart

“A theory that you can’t explain to a bartender is probably no damn good…”  – Ernest Rutherford

“I’m a bartender. I like recipes. They’re concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?…”  – Karen Marie Moning

“You know you’re in trouble, when the bartender cries…”  – Michael Peterson

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes…”  – Oscar Wilde

“A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender…”  – Jim Bishop

don marquis bartending quotes

“I drink only to make my friends seem interesting…”  – Don Marquis

“By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing…”  – Don Marquis

“I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated…”  – Al McGuire

“I believe that in your heart you already know something is profoundly wrong. When bartenders are responsible for drunk drivers’ acts, and gunmakers are responsible for criminals’ acts, and nobody is responsible for O. J. Simpson’s acts, something is wrong…”  – Charlton Heston

“I was a bartender for a long time, so I know how to make drinks, but I’m more likely to offer them than to have them. I think this is one of the reasons why I get to live longer than my great-grandmother did, and why I get to produce more writing than she did, and why my marriage isn’t in dire straits…”  – Elizabeth Gilbert

“From 1965 to 1974, I served the best possible apprenticeship for an actor. I learned firsthand how a truck driver lives, what a bartender does, how a salesman thinks. I had to make a life inside those jobs, not just pretend…”  – Brian Dennehy

“I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school…”  – Nick Frost

“If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos…”  – Richard Kadrey

Dean Martin drinking quote

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt…”  – Dean Martin

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on…”  – Dean Martin

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that – it’s called everybody, and they meet regularly at the bar…”  – Drew Carey

“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid…” – Richard Braunstein

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